I would like to dedicate this post to clarifying some issues in my last post, and also dedicate it to Steven Seagal. In my last post I said that I do not enjoy mindless violence, and I still completely stand by that statement. However, some people took that to mean that I don't like Steven Seagal. Honestly, I don't see the connection. Nothing could mean more than Steven Seagal's violence. There is meaning hidden behind every swipe of his fattened arms, and every sluggish twist or spin of his bloated torso and gut. Each slothful kick of his blimplike legs is jam packed with meaning. And you know why?
Because it's hilarious. This is the serious part of my blog and the part that might actually get points. Basically, Steven Seagal deserves tremendous credit for his movies, not despite how incredibly unoriginal and uninspired they are, but because of that "flaw". The sheer ineptitude of Steven Seagal as a director and actor are what make him truly great, or as he calls himself, "God". Whether or not the hilarity of his movies are intentional is debatable. But not really, obviously he thinks he's actually a good actor. Unless his entire life is staged as a joke, in which case he would deserve tremendous commendment for his dedication. But seriously, if you have ever watched the likes of Submerged, Urban Justice, Out for a Kill, Out for Justice (which he actually still looked athletic in), Black Dawn, and many many MANY other of Seagal's movies, and you enjoyed them because of how funny they are, you should thank Seagal in some way. Myself, I'd hug him every time I see him if I ever saw him. And I bet he'd like that. Because I bet he's a big teddy bear under that big meaty outside.
Also, I would like to point out facts that make Steven even more hilarious. He has always said that he is some kind of quaddruple million rank black belt or something ridiculous of Aikodo, but he has NEVER competed in a major tournament or shown his skills in anything but his movies. To contradict my own point of him being pathetic, he also broke Sean Connery's wrist preparing for some movie somehow.
Steven also claimed to be a official police officer in his home state of Nowhereville, which led to him attempting to board a plane with a firearm. He was denied that right because he wasn't a real federal agent.
He also claimed to be Archbishop Desmond Tutu's personal bodyguard during Apartheid. Don't think he really was..
He also claimed to have fought the Yakuza, the Japanese Mafia. His ex-wife has said that he never fought them but instead just yelled at some drunks.
To end, I leave you with this quote from Seagal, "I am hoping that I can be known as a great writer and actor some day, rather than a sex symbol." and this video of his music.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Qw5bKTBQE4
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6 comments:
Langerham,
As a long time Seagal fan (along with van Dam) I think that he's more than a legend and sex symbol. Seagal is a symbol for America. If you can tell me what's cooler than a guy with a pony tail, karate moves, and one liners... i might delete this.
Nice novel....I mean blog post Jack (HAHAHAHAHAH). While reading this post I pictured you saying all this stuff in a sarcastic voice. I agree with you in that Segal is pure genius, but I think it's ridiculous to take his works of art seriously.
I find Steven Seagal the worst actor I have ever seen. Like I said before all he does is walk around in a leather coat kicking and shooting people. Once you have seen one of his movies you have seen them all, so I don’t know how you can think there “hilarious”. I find them extremely boring.
i hate you movieman
Dang Jacky Boy, Movieman is taking a firm stance against you, that isn't good. I hope you sleep lightly because i foresee a murder in the night. Anyways onto my post. I've only seen a handful of Seagal films on Spike, and its usually only when I'm doing homework. But I find the action in his movies utterly captivating, the way you described his movements was perfect, I could relate it to a scene in Urban Justice where Seagal is a one man army. I agree with you that his movies are amazing. One day, several centuries from now, Alien races will dig up the old Steven Seagal movies and make a god out of him.
I don't think I have ever finished a Seagal movie before. They are just so bad and weird. I always find them on TV and I start to watch and then I am like "OK…this sucks..."
That is a funny quote, why would he say that?
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